love and marrage
Three good articles about love and marriage.
good advice, a book about a woman and the vamprei who loves her and a “human pet” (after the jump):
1st up, Maureen Dowd with a good column (for once) on marriage, “An Ideal Husband”. She quotes a priest who gives a class about marrage:
“Does he use money responsibly? Is he stingy? Most marriages that founder do so because of money — she’s thrifty, he’s on his 10th credit card.
“Steer clear of someone whose life you can run, who never makes demands counter to yours. It’s good to have a doormat in the home, but not if it’s your husband.
When a woman or man says “the mask came off when we were married” what they mean is “I never paid any attention to my partner until we had to live together”. Divorce happens because something is missing: money, intimacy, friendship, trust, or maturity. Of course Ms. Dowd tries to paint men as the villains in her column. As a more balanced follow up I would recommend the book: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert by Dr. John Gottman. It’s written at a high school level because Dr. Gottman wanted the book to be accessible to the general public.
My family therapy class used this as one of our text books.
2nd column, also from the NYT:
The Twilight Series has Gail Collins corn-fused. Her column “A Virginal Goth Girl” talks about the characters. He’s a vampire, she’s a shy girl. She falls for him, he’s afraid that he’ll rip her head off (literally). So instead they only kiss. No sex, ever.
Ms. Collins mentions that the author of the books is a Mormon mom. As if that has anything to do with it. She states:
young men are spending so much time watching pornography on the Internet that they will never be satisfied with normal women and normal relationships.
This sure sounds like trouble to me: A generation of guys who will settle for nothing less than a porn star meets a generation of women who expect their boyfriend to crawl through their bedroom window at night and just nuzzle gently until they fall asleep.
Are “today’s young women being pulled between complete chastity and utter sluttiness”? The media, based in Los Angeles and New York, have pushed the slut at the expense of the chaste. Some of the most vile , misogynistic works have come for firms only blocks from her office. She spends the whole column examining the books while mystified at their success. Perhaps PEOPLE are tired of pron being pushed in their faces as THE NEXT BIG THING.
As a young man who wasted his college years on the interweb, I can only disagree wither her view of men. I met my wife at a party. I wanted to go home, she begged me to stay. Six years latter we have two wonderful kidlets and four years of marriage. It’s not that guys are into the slut. Guys and gals realize that the slut (male or female) does not a good life partner make. (see above)
Twilight is a tame version of the romance novels that infest the book sections of walmart and borders. Those books are porn for the mind. Most have the lurid sex scenes. Men are visual, women more auditory. In my sex therapy class, we found out that men fear their wives having sex with other men. Women fear their husbands spending time with other women. Ms. Collins needs to remember that men and women are different.
Lastly, I have seen wild couples but this takes the cake:
From the Mail Online (U.K. Daily Mail)
Given that she describes herself as a human pet ? and is happy to walk around on a lead ? Tasha Maltby is used to odd looks and even odder remarks.
But nothing had prepared her for the reaction of the bus driver who allegedly told the self-styled Goth and her boyfriend: “We don’t let freaks and dogs like you on.”
Miss Maltby and her fiance Dani Graves were so angered they have complained to the bus company of being “victimised”.
They are filling a complaint against a bus driver for refusing to let them on his bus. I wonder why. By calling herself a “human pet” she shows a lack of self-esteem. Does he have to clean her droppings I wonder? They are living on the British version of welfare and public housing, big surprise there. Thankfully most goths I know are not like these two prizewinners. Please try to remember folks, ten percent of the goths are ninety percent of the problem.